You Gotta Smile

You can't grumble ya know? Not about life anyways coz it's a beauty and it will forever be that way.

There seems to be no rhyme or reason to life's fluctuations until you look and listen. It IS what you make it, I'm sure of that.

The bag swirling in the wind in that movie American Beauty, that is exactly how life should be, that was indeed the prettiest of scenes. One thing I will never understand or experience is looking into the eyes of my child. Not because I can't have children, who knows though, maybe I can't anyway but I'll never know either way because I have no desire to have children. A human life cycle is meant to include having children, a family, and helping and watching them grow, teaching them not only education but morals, rights and wrongs? A conscience to breed paranoia, for some and most actually, you would think, yes. And the best of men once told me that looking into the eyes of your child is the most amazing and beautiful experience and I know Xandu and ZombieTron will attest to that fact after the last 9 Months, bet it's been amazing for you two :) And thus, heartfelt sorry for how the next sounds.

It's an old phrase but I absolutely refuse to bring another life into this world, a place that despite it's incredible beauty again and its overall total bewilderment (if you wanna think about it that way) has a dark undercurrent of, well, can only say Evil, and I sure ain't religious lol

If you believe in Reincarnation and I now do, you may believe you could very well return into any possible and countless scenarios, be you white, black, hispanic, japanese, mongolian, male/female or hermaphrodite?. You may have experienced extreme poverty or abuse in former lives or racism, you may have experienced all walks of life and the life you live today will determine what life comes next, whether you rise or fall on the spiritual or material level.... if that's what you wanna believe, who really knows. And it's all Beauty and Life anyway!

My father has recently fallen ill and that is scaring me. I've never lost a close loved one, friends yes so I know the feeling that I will never speak to that person or again, look into their eyes, see their song. My father was and still tries to be hardcore, likes to enjoy himself but it has caught up with him now, as it will with me I'm positive of that.

Either way, the Guy has had a real hard life and he's made it hard for himself by treating people the way he has. I'm gutted he has no real friends and no self belief but I didn't make him ffs. I forgive him for the fights we had because I was involved too and family life is difficult, no two ways about it and life, as it has always been with my father, has been on the breadline, struggling to get by and is this another form of life's beauty? Is it really when you think?

Sometimes I wonder “Am I stating the obvious here”? Or am I confusing? I watched a movie called A Prophet the other night and it's like 2.5 hours long and I was really busy at the time so it felt almost like a cursory glance at it so I started over the night after and found it to be the most amazing movie I've seen in a long time. Watched Alice in Wonderland too, that was fantastic, just remember it's Disney! ;) But A Prophet.... they say it's a mix of Scarface and The Godfather and I'm gonna tell you, it Stands Alone. Someone looked at a brilliant, almost unreal idea and said No, this is how you do it my son, and the idea got ten times brighter. By anyone's standards that movie just broke the mould and I recommend you watch it, all of you!

Gonna break off from the Mortality and Beauty crap for you, just had things on my tiny mind to say I think. As I'm into other things these days, not racing games, not Burnout even I will have to move on with this crap because it doesn't fit in here, if it ever did man haha Yes they are the thoughts of an ex racer but that seems to be the only tie, apart from the friends I've made. Will decide whether to post this later on, happy day? So post, Z is waiting for you