My Motorcycling A-Z.... Literally!

K I have been thinking more and more about the things around me when i ride: i have issues (mental usually!) but im hoping to channel my frustrations into the form of a little blog.  Maybe i can raise a smile from a few people, thats a motivation for this and i know i laugh at myself usually for no reason - there go the mental issues again! 

Chief Blogger Extraordinaire SUFFER  has given me a few much appreciated tips on the Art Of Blogginess but i'm afraid im a little stuck for time and patience is not my thing, also my pc tends to turn itself off frequently just to spite me.... sooo im going to break this down on a daily basis and earn more bloggy points and catch up to "Mr 300 points i've given myself an award for being cool etc Bootleg" by doing this in small stages.

Enough weak explanations! Lets get to the Madness

A Is For Autocoms!

You want one of these... no YOU NEED THEM!  Autocoms are my favourite biking thing to own and i have one for every bike i have:  with these devices you do sooo many cool things and the main thing for me is listen to cool tunes.  You install these slim speakers semi permanently in your Helmets (i will call them lids from now on) wire the brains of the unit to your Bike and plug yourself in.  The sound quality is amazing to say the least - I-Pods, MP3 players, CD players, Radio's (naff borin') mini disc players - yes Bootleg mini disc players were the Bollocks when they came out man, i agree - all these work with it and i cannot ride without Music now! Currently listening to Daughtry, Lucia Silvas, Cold, Andy Mckee, Tenacious D, Bat Out Of Hell 3(why i do not know - must still like Jim Steinman) Im very much an 80's child so War Of The Worlds and The Cure, U2, Tears For Fears, Journey, All the Rocky Soundtracks!! Haha and the chick of the moment Aaliyah - such a tragedy man.

No doubt i will be deaf earlier than anybody i know, even my parents but hell i had a great time getting there. 

More importantly Autocoms (used by the Feds and F1 by the way) can provide the safest thing in the world for a biker, communication with your pillion!  I can give a small example:  One summers day im riding home from a long day out riding with my girlfriend, we'd been all over the damn place and decide to get home through Huddersfield where there's a nice long road with sweeping bends etc...  we get to the start of a really long left uphill bend that goes on forever and there's not much more satisfaction out there on a day like this for someone like me to really test my tyres out - you shouldnt really get your knee down with a pillion but i was damn well gonna try!  Only... i knew this road was well known for wandering sheep, escaped from the hillsides and venturing on the road, i was hoping that at the blinding speed i was gonna be goin for that my partner wouldnt have a chance to see the road warning signs for little woolly mammoths!  So i get to about a ton speed still turning left and the left's getting deeper an deeper... more speed? Why not! Crank it up to about 120 then she started patting me on the side quite forcefully so i PANIC a little thinking she'd seen a sheep over my shoulder that had escaped my view and i throw the bike to the side and yank on the brakes and pull over saying "WTF are you OK?? Whats wrong??" and she points to the sky and says" Look, Hangliders!"  ........!!!!!! Aaarrrgggghhhh!  Big respect though for looking around at that speed and checkin out the scenery, i couldnt do it if i was a pillion that's for sure.

Now if i've had an Autocom installed she could have just told me and i would have  just simply said yes dear very good and continued with the massive amount of concentration you should have when riding like a pillock. 

Of course there are other benefits to having this kit, you can make and answer phone calls by speech alone and the clarity is simply flawless, check out Autocoms website for an on bike demo (yes i am also an approved fitter - plug plug plug - check me out at my place of business lmao (ask The Bootleg hahaha) you can go bike to bike with the same quality of speech, bluetooth compatable etc  A fantastic device i will never go without!

Bees An' Wasps An' Other Flying Beasties

The Bee is a docile animal, not much cause for concern but if your new to biking and one gets in the small V between your jacket and your helmet you will get a shock.  You can usually just pull to the side, zip open your jacket exposing your Burt Reynolds Chest Wig and bat it on its merry way! The first time a Bee gets down your top when your riding though, panic may follow... My advice would be to accept the fact that you are gonna get stung in a moment and just compose yourself an slow down, pull over and sort the stituation out.

Wasps on the other hand are another kettle of fish though - a wasp will fight you for its freedom and it will not enjoy being entangled in your Burt Reynolds Chest Wig (anyone anyone? - just me then) Mr Wasp doesnt have time for getting stuck down your top and would rather just stick its thing in you and have done with it - you'd better have composure if you meet on a summers day!

My top pet hate are flies and other creepy things that manage to get between the millimetre gap between your cheeks and lid cheek pads and work their way into your ear.  Damn you can feel those little suckers on their merry way to eat your brain, feels awful!  I gotta pull over, remove lid, remove buff, insert finger vigorously into ear to kill you!

K i'm done for now, need a Burnout Fix - if i've bored you with the little blog thing then you can thank your lucky stars you aint getting A-Z in one hit... i will be back tommorrow, hell i'll i'll have to now i've started this BFN