To those that may be offended by how your body works, don't read this topic! Warned, Much!

So now that I have your attention, as a warning was put up, and seems to get noticed more for that reason, lol. I'm going to talk about toilet paper?

This contains TMI, To Much Information, so here is a good time to hit the back button. Again you have been warned!

Yes, Toilet paper, a good portion of the Western World use it, and the rest of the World are catching on, though in Asia a hole in the floor and a bucket of water, with some soap at the sink seems to be enough? If there is soap?

In the Middle East the job was done by the left hand, the (darn I have to write it) Devils hand! So most are right hand people over there, to eat etc. When Western lefty's went over there, they were looked upon with disgust!

Maybe that was why I don't get my lefty controls, lol!

I was told the army way was to have one sheet, fold it into four, rip out the middle, then rip the rest into four, wipe with said 4 and use the bit, you ripped from the middle, for under your fingernails, gross but very eco on resources, lol. And then wash said hands!

The Toilet paper in the flat I am sharing with my father, it's dimply (like that Hale and Pace documentary of making an ad for 'Quite simply, it's Dimply' Toilet paper) but a fly could fly through a single sheet at high speed, so more than 3 for the first wipe.

Oh, (a personal choice of religious personage here) Jedi master, why am i writting this?

Anyway the Tigers had some that was bullet proof, with a single sheet, and still soft! Was very good stuff!

When in the UK, I use Andrex Aloe Vera, soft and does it's thing, and you have a soft ring, though a three sheeter for the first and second, on a bad day.

I was told the Navy, use three sheets, up, down and around.

Nuns get one sheet a day, or was it also 3? I can't remember, I knew someone who cleaned at a Nunnery, the house of Nun, for so many things it seems!

To me, the creation of toilet paper, was essential, to stop the spread of disease, though a good hand wash is good enough, with some hot water, which for people on the go anywhere, would mean waiting for the tap to get hot, so lots of soap instead.

Then you have hot air dryers and paper towels to dry one's hands?

I heard that the air dryers were bad as they recycle the air with bad germs, and in the day when you had roll down clothe towels that was even worse, if a hand washie did not do a good job, it just spead more germs!

Here in Asia, and at most Airports there are no doors to the entrence of a WC, and the toilets flush automatically via a infared motion sensor, once you leave the said space, sit or stand. There is hopefully a roll by your side, that can consist, of 'bog' standard paper, soft enough for the job, but you would not steal it, or some hard core paper, that leaves you with cuts and a ring sting.

When in HK, the toilets were not flushing so an attendant was flushing with buckets of water, I left a tip as, I felt embaressed about what he had to deal with!

There is in some cases, paper to cover the seat, that when you stand and as it flushes, will go down the hole at the same time, though as I am a lean forward and back type of guy (It's hard to read the numbers, for a good time, so you have to lean forward, lolz, or jokes about Kev!), the toilet can flush at any moment and with the seat paper, you could get sucked in, so I wipe the seat before a sit anyway, when out of the home per say.

If you sprinkle when you, tinkle, be sweet and wipe the seat!

And put the lid down, it's there for a reason, not to just stop your wife from falling in, in the middle of the night! Yes, when you flush, an invisible volcano of germs comes flying up and around your bath room, and on you if you are near by!

When I use the a public toilet, I wash my hands and hate to have to touch the door handle, as I know some dratsab, has not washed their hands, so I could end up walking out, still with dirty hands!

Now some people say cleanlyness is next to (again you pick), Mr Ben, for me this time, but with advertising of say Anti-Bacterial soap, cleaners, beach etc, we want to be clean, (see terrorism against germs, will we ever have peace) but if you're too clean your immune system, does not have the strength to fight any said illnesses, that may arise? Like Anti-Biotics etc, yes, I watch Regenesis, where anti-biotics are now not strong enough to fight bugs and stuff as they have become stronger and immune to them?

I use Domestos, to clean my loo, I tried to use the Eco-cover stuff, but it just never did the job, like a good hard core bleach, not that I would use a lot of it, but enought to remove the stains, of a infequent user.

I mean some people if you watch late night TV, have people eating it! And some use it for sexual adventure, as shown by some sites on the internet, not something I am interested in, but whatever floats your boat or log is your, behind closed doors, business, lol. I said business and log!

We have natural germs in our bodies, that look after us, and they can be unique to just us, so speading kisses and natural lube is ok, for the general population, but with the arise of HIV and other types of killer bugs, we still aren't careful enough! But are we too careful?

Even movies, like teen comedies, talk about pink eye, after a night of gnitraf, in each others faces, bare backed as it were, hence the reason for underwear? To block said lacef particles, from escape to the outside world, though a good traf is good for you!

Me, I got so paranoid about having a clean mub (in case you have a filter at work, see what i mean even our computers have to protect us!), you know like you need clean pants on when you go to hospital, if I was just run over by a car, i'm sure something more has escaped than just blood, bone and an eye ball, out of my body!

I used anti bacterial toilet paper or wet wipes, and it messed up my ring so much, that when I went to the doctor to ask for help with it, he gave me a cream, that I had to apply by hand! and said, using them (anti bac wipes) is bad, because your bum can look after its self, and water and mild soap is good enough.

Me I don't even like Beedays (sounds like but spelt wrong maybe an 'i' instead?) as I still need to have contact with said soil.

So back to topic, what hand do you wipe your, mub with, left or right? Me, I use toilet paper! Sorry old joke.

I know some people use the expensive kind, quilted, embosed, phrase of the day, song lyrics, cross word (but does not the ink run on the wipe, so you would get a blue/black ring?) there is even some stuff out there that is black and has some serious wording on it that can cost £10 a roll?? Some used recycled which is good for the enviorment, I used too, but the chlorine (sp, i do miss my dictionary) in it, that can supposedly give you ring cancer, probably an urban myth, but I love my ring, so I don't take chances.

So what toilet paper do you use, do you know some toilet humour, that is appropriate for the site?

Your sitting postion is important, to the left, to the right, to far forward or back, can leave tell tale signs, of bad targeting.

Do you fear splash back?

Are the sounds appropriate for the job at hand, like the sound of a depth charge good for something that was a quick sit down, a wipe, a flush and up?

Do you need to keep your loo roll in the fridge after a curry?

Does pebble dashing, look good when you stay at a friends house?

What about the smell, they say a match with a high sulfur content is good, but is it safe to light a naked flame?

Sometimes you sit all day, and look back, (do you look?) and a passing rabbit says I can do better on a bad day!

Do some have trouble, disappearing and hang around until you beat them to submission? With multi flushing, (water waster), or with the bog brush? I hate bog brushes, as they are covered with what you cleaned it with, or dirtied it with, to be honest! And then it just sits there next to your loo, saying unclean! Or do you end up washing you bog brush, with what? And the cycle continous!!

Contain, nuts, carrot, sweet corn and other colours of the rainbow? Or a couple of coins for you compulsive swallowers out there.

We know why we spend a penny, but if you leave a pound does it cost that much?

Wow, it's really raining out side, natures big flush from the sky!

Do women really, oop, when I was a kid, I didn't think so, maybe because men like to claim victory for the smell they left you with, that you never noticed it might have been a women, or is it because majority of mothers, deal with nappies and such, that it's so every day and natural, why make a fuss over, something that we as comsumers have to do.

In Japan, they have automatic toilets, that, use water and an air drier, and all you have to sit, it will even do a check to see if you are healthy, with content check, blood pressure etc and give you a read out to take away. I always need more Iron!

So again why did i write this? Well some people say, I am full of, talk, and write etyhs, so here is the ultimate etyts, forum post, hidden away, with warnings, also I just needed an excuse to not write my blogs, and i could not do a bog blog could eye, sorry, I?

Anyway after this read you may need to wash your hands, your mouse and key board, but always after you go for a call of nature.

This was a public service announcement, By Suffer, the none Bog Blogger! And conissour of toilet paper.

Kitchen roll, is kitchen roll people, even when you cut it up into four, it can still blog up the pipes, can cause ring sting, but when your flat mate can't be bothered to replace anything he uses, emergencies need something, and news paper, leaves a mark.

PS, from a kid, who has used leaves, sand and the sea, since I have travelled a bit, carries toilet paper where ever he goes as an adult, or at least a pack of hankies! I need toilet paper, I pick my nose and smoke, obviously near my mouth, so I don't think hand washing is enough!

And I hate people that don't flush after a job (hence why Singpore has auto flush), and a spinkle does not need a flush, why waste the water, the sooner you flush the sooner your going to have to drink it anyway, in this day and age. Yes, people all water in the modern world is recycled, the reason why bottled water companies make a fortune off your fear!

But anything that has been filtered through by a million people must be clean right?

Well there be comments? Will there be complaints? Will people like me who finally realize we are all human, and need to be more open about our selves to understand, that it's ok to poop (will that be stopped by a filter, do I need a dood or boob {darn it} for upside down, turn it around, censorship?), in public!

Another long one from the Suffurinator, sorry, but if you have a laptop reading material for those long sit downs, lol.

I do write some parc, lol.